So I’m leaving Shanghai.
Sometime in June, I’ll be handing in my Foreign Expert’s Certificate (actually a booklet, just to muddle matters) and sorting through my accumulated detritus to ship things home or to redistribute them amongst the neighbourhood rag-and-bone dudes.
[Random note: Modern day tricycle-riding rag-n-bone pickers in Shanghai mainly seem to deal in vast swathes of cardboard and things that start with diàn (电- pertaining to electricity) so that their early morning bellowings for donations feel like alliterative poetry: 电视 (diànshì- TV), 电脑 (diànnǎo- computer), 电饭煲 (diànfànbāo- rice cooker), 电灯 (diàndēng- electric lights).]
I have no cardboard for them but I do have too many old shoes and Tupperware containers. Maybe they’ll like some threadbare clothes.
I’m fresh out of rags and bones.
The dolls are either electric or cardboard.
I intend to exit this city with only the things that make me happy and sane, whilst still being super careful to not leave behind the things that will haunt me in the future. I royally screwed that up when I left Istanbul, where I left behind, among other things, my grandmother’s coat, my gorgeous Moroccan lamp, 6 years of treasured paper letters, photos, the address book containing the contact details of everyone I knew from 1997 onward, diaries, cobbler-made fake Doc Marten knee-high boots, a book case worth of amazing books, beautiful funky tailor-made clothes.
This time I’m determined to do it right.
Which probably won’t happen, given my tendency to panic and freeze and walk away with all the wrong stuff when it comes to sorting through things to send home.
In addition to trying to sort out possessions that are important to me, I’ve also decided I needed to get my act together when it came to sorting out what has been important to me in this city, the intangible things. I want to leave on good terms. I want to remember the good things, not just the bits that make my belly ache and my heart sink.
Making a mental list and checking it twice before panicking and ditching it all.
Hence this new series: I’ll see myself out.
A lot of this blog has focused on how much this city drives me crazy, how I’ve often felt frustrated and peripheral and frequently incompetent. I’ve often noted that while Turkey felt like a love-hate relationship that alternately hurt me but still inspired irrational devotion (I always went back, didn’t I?), Shanghai has felt more like an arranged marriage. A marriage of convenience and of economics. We don’t particularly love each other and we didn’t come together out of passion but, well, we’re slowly growing to like each other as we’ve gotten to know each other more.
I still have no desire to snog Shanghai.
I figured it was high time I at least gave it a shot though.
A few months ago, my life here was upended and everything was abruptly re-set, emotionally, geographically, practically. Landing back in Shanghai after the inner chaos of Bali, completely recontextualized, I realized that if I was going to leave (and leave properly), I needed to break out of my ridiculously hermitty comfort zone and give Shanghai a chance.
One area I hadn’t explored much was the nightlife.
Sad, I know.
I’d chalk it up to being an introvert in an introverted household, combined with an irrational compulsion to fill whole weekends with part time exam work in faraway cities, along with a strong lack of interest in the shininess of the more obvious nightlife in the city. I’d gone for occasional cocktails after work and on regular dinner dates with good company. There was always good food and quality wines and fancy beers. I was generally home by midnight.
Like that time Fiona dragged Sally and I out for champagne and foie gras lollipops. We were home by 7.
My last half decade of dancing in Istanbul’s African bars until 3am seemed far behind me.
My accomplices in funkily choreographed crime.
I hadn’t seen live music in ages, aside from bits I caught when home in Canada in summer. I was just waiting for the tickets for Hamilton on Broadway to go live. Music featured only in my head in Shanghai- aside from the gentle stuff that was played for the dancers and t’ai chi folks in parks and the very soft and forgettable pop that wafts about in the airspace of restaurants and cafes, I hadn’t heard much music that didn’t emanate from my headphones. Shanghai had really pushed me deep back inside myself.
Enter my March experiment.
I have been going out. In the afternoons and evenings, sometimes stretching into night. A number of times. With great people. Like her and her and her and a number of other lovely folks who have entered or re-entered my life. I’m still waiting giddily for this one. Food, drink, music, dancing, late night intense conversations. Goodness.
And it has been wonderful. I’m kicking myself for not trying harder before.
And do you know what? There is live music out there, beyond the jazz clubs, beyond the overpriced concerts featuring people I wasn’t interested in a decade ago when they were actually popular.
I had no idea. Seriously, d’oh.
Like these guys–
They were really good. Like the Beatles but run through a Sino-Youth transmogrifier.
Or this dude, who reminded me of the darker, moodier albums of Koos Kombuis like this and this and this.
Moody mullets can’t go wrong.
Or these guys, who reminded me of some of my old students at Tongji. Flashbacks to Christmas concerts of old.
Do your homework! Don’t forget to bring a pencil and notebook! Stop playing Angry Birds on your phone!
Or these ones, who did rather uninspiring pop versions of traditional Chinese music but with glowing neon-lit lucite instruments and retro cocktail dresses and ankle tattoos.
I covet the dress of the erhu player on the left.
Once more, my lungs are filled with second hand smoke and my ear drums are pleasantly shattered.
The ever-reverent and attentive Shanghai audience
Anyone fancy joining me for further exploratory nights out before June? The sign up sheet is below.
If it’s happy hour, I’ll buy the first round…
21 Responses
far more of a hermit than you .. four years, no venues for dancing, no bars, nowhere with smoke .. oh, well, some nice cafes, and the ever-present studio
where is next?
Next is…Canada for a few weeks to see family, then off to the UK for a few weeks to see friends, then… great big question mark! I have no idea yet. So much to think about!
Everyone’s leaving! First Fiona, then Sally, now you. I’m glad that you’re making the most of Shanghai, though. Give it a big, smoky, polluted, cancerous snog and leave with no regrets in the morning.
Are you planning on staying in Canada for good, or do you have longer-term wanderlusty plans somewhere else?
Katja recently posted..Cultural Contrasts
Exodus! I think with Shanghai (and China), everyone has a built in expiry date, some sooner than others. It’s not an easy place to be, long-term, and you really need to have goals and reasons to be here. I’m running out of reasons.
Not staying in Canada for good. Actually going to be in the UK from mid July to mid August to see friends. Don’t suppose you’ll be around? After August, the future is almost disturbingly unwritten and wide open…
I won’t be in the UK, but I *will* be in Sicily. Or at least somewhere in the Med. Which isn’t far from the UK and has a lot better weather. What say you round up the shivering Brits and ship them down here for a bit of clear air, blue seas and sunshine?
Katja recently posted..Sinners and Saints in Siracusa
I wish I could! The UK Summer Tour (TM) is a bit of a tight schedule of seeing people, sandwiched between two sessions of seeing people in Canada. Goodness, this summer is going to be busy. Maybe I’ll pop down to Sicily after Mexico. The winter itinerary is as yet unwritten…
Oh, she’s not the only one, I’m a going too. And really girl, it’s like there’s white light surrounding you, but don’t sign up for Jesusdom yet. 🙂
Nomadic Chick recently posted..Moving Forward
I’ll turn the light down for when we meet for dinner next week. Don’t want to wreck the ambiance… 🙂
aw, i had a feeling this might be coming! what a strange change of perspective, knowing you are leaving soon–looking forward to reading about it and seeing what you’re up to next! (and in the meantime) ….are you going pull an all-nighter at shelter before you show yourself out? 😉
good luck with packing. packing is the worst.
Indeed, it’s a real perspective shift– and I feel a lot happier following this readjustment. It’s exciting to think about what’s next- no idea what it is yet…
And yeah, Shelter is on the to-do list…
Good luck with your move! We in fact getting ready to leave Istanbul after 3 years. I’ve loved Istanbul and am sad to leave, but a new adventure (hopefully) awaits us in chilly Warsaw.
Joy @My Turkish Joys recently posted..Cooking Hamsi with Friends in Istanbul
Just out of curiosity, why did you decide to leave? I left after 6 years, feeling certain I was ready, but then spent a few more years here mourning the loss of Istanbul. It had really gotten under my skin, in both an amazing and frustrating way…
Sign me up for more! I’ve got a whole list of places I want to try before leaving here in September and I can’t think of better company 🙂
cosmoHallitan recently posted..Luang Prabang: Where to Stay and What to Eat
We’re on!
Aww, man, so wish I could join you! I could certainly use a few fun nights out on the town.
Good luck with your move. I hope I get to see you again when you’re in North America!
Sally recently posted..Nerding Out at Old Fort Niagara
Join Theodora, Jeannie, Fiona and Ms FerretingTheFun for dinner next weekend! We’re doing Tomb Sweeping in style! It’s just a wee plane ride away…
By the way, I don’t suppose you’ll be anywhere near the west coast this summer?
Hope to make it down before then! If not, your first round in Beijing is on me!
I’m very tempted to head up to Beijing just for that… We should definitely try to make it happen before I leave, whether down here or up there…
Congrats on getting out of Shanghai (or China, whichever).. I was there for a long time, studied Chinese for a long time, etc, and had hiring managers literally baffled, (“Why the hell are you living here?!”).. Don’t miss Shanghai for a second, but I have great friends who are still there, etc (that’s what FB/WeChat is for).
Thanks! It was a much needed escape- took over 4 years to get my act together to leave. It was a really mixed bag living there- lots of small good things (dumplings, certain people, Lanzhou noodles, some of the leafier streets around the former French Concession…) mixed with a whole bunch of frustration, exhaustion, etc. No regrets but glad I’ve moved on.
Great write on your last few adventures in Shanghai. Its seems like a wonderful city, but like most they have their ups and downs. It is a place i hope to visit soon.
http://www.lalovesedm.com/nightlife