I’m going to preface this by noting and underlining the fact that I am an unreliable narrator. I’m also a barefaced liar (intermittently) who is concurrently preparing a post arguing the exact opposite thesis.
Frankly, I’m not even sure which one I believe the most. It changes from minute to minute, depending on how much sleep I get, or how much sleep Thwack got, or how many scooters ran me off the road, or how much exhaust I breathed in, or how many random people decided to tell me through vigorous body language how I was doing the wrong thing with regards to Thwack’s comfort and safety (no, he’s not suffocating in his sling- he’s sleeping!).
I definitely think you should move to Vietnam with your baby.
Yes.
Really.
See, Thwack likes it.
Never mind your nice settled life in Wherever The Hell, Developed Country, Western Nation! Here in Hanoi, we’ve got something special for you and your offspring.
For one, everyone loves kids. Or at least they accept the existence of them in the world.
You know how when you read articles originating anywhere in the west, someone always pipes up about how much they hate kids (aka crotch-fruit, fuck trophy, etc) in public spaces, as if anyone under the age of twenty is a howling demon reeking of diaper hideousness and wreaking havoc incessantly who should be locked away starting from the age when they can use the best baby walkers until they are of drinking age? It happens way more often than I would have expected when I was growing up and doing stuff in public as a happy and curious Canadian crotch fruit.  Something must have changed in the last few decades because it seems like kids aren’t allowed out anymore without CPS being called or parents getting the evil eye.
But not here! It’s pretty cool.
We cart Thwack everywhere and he’s able to make friends with every single freaking person who walks or bikes past. Lots of cuddles, songs, giggles and kisses from everyone. He’s made to feel welcome and I don’t feel like an intruder sneaking into somewhere I shouldn’t be (like the friendly neighbourhood bia hoi). Waitresses whisk him away during 50% of our meals (don’t ask me about the other 50%, as I probably didn’t get to eat them before they were cold). Taxi drivers hold his hand as they drive. Twenty-something guys in bike repair garages make playful noises to catch his attention. Smiles all around.
Also, purveyors of baby cages deliver within an hour after ordering.
The other thing is that we can afford to be a mostly single income household so I can stay home with him during his first year or so. We did this temporarily in England but couldn’t realistically afford it. We were using up all our China savings just to subsidize a very very budgeted life there. We weren’t just running to stand still- we were sliding backwards in many ways. It was frustrating.
Did I mention that we have a housekeeper here? Part time, every morning for four hours. No more daily laundry (Thwack wears cloth diapers), no more trying to keep chaos at bay, no more struggling to sort out meals with a mad baby wreaking havoc in the background. She keeps the fridge stocked with lots of fruits and veggies from her local market (at far better prices than we could ever haggle down to) and makes a little something every day for us to have at hand- a mountain of fresh spring rolls, spicy gingered chicken meatballs, a big bowl of sauteed greens or mashed sweet potatoes. We take bits of it and blitz it for the baby. His palate is ridiculously diverse.
Ignore the fact that they don’t make helmets for babies here, or that we need to wear face masks to breathe.
When I go back to work full-time (I’m teaching once a week and doing writing at home the rest of the time, while he naps) , we can afford a nanny. A nanny! In England, basic group childcare was going to cost more than any income I brought in. It’s a massive weight off my shoulders, knowing that it is possible.
So yes, yes, abandon the comforts of the west! Never mind your blue skies and walkable sidewalks and green parks and breathable air! Never mind the family support and access to varied careers and good cheese!
Come to Hanoi! Bring your babies!Â
8 Responses
How are you are a writer on this site??? So much white privilege, stupidity, and TERRIBLE WRITING that I cannot even formulate an appropriate response.
Hi. Your comment is interesting because, well, this IS my site so I write on it. I’m the only one who does. Because it’s my site. And if you think that this post is not representative of this site’s usual work then you’ve obviously read other things I’ve written. If that’s the case, then you know that most of my writing involves hyperbole, tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, mocking self-awareness and other literary devices employed in this post. But hey, if you think I’m suddenly horrific then ok. Fair enough.
Wow – what a horrible comment to leave! I find nothing here stupid, privileged or badly written. If you don’t like it why not just move on? And it’s kind of obvious how you get to write on a site that has only one writer don’t you think?
Tracey – Life Changing Year recently posted..Top Things To Do In Seattle
Angry much? If you don’t like reading the site, why are you here? And if you are just envious, why not get oyurself and do what Mary Anne is doing?
As someone who has been a professional writer for 30+ years, has taught writing on every level and has worked as a professional editor and first reader for NYC publishers, I would have to say I enjoyed the writing here very much. It’s entertaining, makes it’s points clearly, is easy to read. The post is nicely formed, it flows well, and it makes sense. Thank you Mary Ann for a well written post.
And I’m just curious… how is choosing to live in Vietnam an instance of “white privilege”? Or is it the housekeeper you object to… the one she is providing work for? I think the only “stupidity” here–well-seasoned with hostility and jealousy–is staring back at you from the mirror. Maybe you need another look, a very deep, insightful look.
Donna Meyer recently posted..Visiting the Terezin Ghetto and Concentration Camp
Thank you!
[…] full time stay at home mother to a mad infant, living in an unnecessarily large four story house in expat family dense Tay Ho, scrambling to find minutes of calm in which I could scribble off the required 20,000 words needed […]
This read has MADE MY MORNING whilst drinking my cuppa in silence before my 1 year old wakes up! YES, YES AND YES to this!
I have been contemplating/rather overthinking relocating to Vietnam. I think the only thing is HOW? is there a lot of admin to do and what is the waiting period??? I am from South Africa 🙌
Hello! I just saw this comment- I’ve been very lax in my oversight of this blog in recent years. I wish I knew how to answer your questions, especially now in COVID times. Vietnam is doing brilliantly, in terms of numbers, and this is because they’ve pretty much shut their borders. I don’t know if or how you’d be able to even enter as a sponsored worker let alone tourist. We went because my husband and I are English teachers and he got a job in Hanoi when our little guy was a tiny baby. His employer sponsored me as a spouse. When our kid was a year and a half, I went back to work- at an Australian university in Hanoi. Being South African would not hold you back in terms of getting work, if you are qualified. There is a lot of admin, yes, but employers guide you through that, mostly (depending on the job–low rent cowboy EFL gigs may not even sponsor you and you have to sort out your own visas). I was at RMIT university for about 3 years and they were very helpful for logistics and paperwork. However, these days, no idea (I left at the end of 2018). I know that’s not very helpful, but I hope it provides some insight.